paradise

just another day in paradise

close our eyes with each step memorized

walk blindfolded into a mirror image

feeling entitled to each and every privilage

our senses are tampered with

numb to everything under our skin

stare directly into the sun

challenge everything from day one

light falls caressing everything on the way down

shadows extend painting us on the ground

the touch of dark sparks our curiosity

addicted to the feeling of free falling

from the edge of the world into the blue

we're trapped in a paradise we can't refuse

created by dirty hands and word of mouth

there's a world we dare not speak aloud

from the vivid greens and vibrant reds

to the fantasy built in our heads

the sky is falling before our eyes

easily disillusioned with the sunrise

light trickery paints the sky

rainbow promises with our sights set high

effortless we stand back and watch the days go by

waiting impatiently as we nickel and dime

tape our mouths shut and drown out the words

open the senses to a new concern

escape into a new way of life

drift away to a new paradise

away from the mind games and the guilt

away from the monetary values we so eagerly instill

let go of what holds us here

and hold onto what steers us clear

free of drama we conqure this land

and disarm the alarm we try to understand

imperfections are more beautiful than the brightest gold

now see this paradise for what the future holds

Always, Lainey

©2011 all rights reserved.

through the looking glass

There's an inconsistent tempo racing through these electric currents.  I have adopted it as my defibrillator as it simultaneously swallowed the silence whole and brought me back to where I am, in my room.  Silhouettes dance around my room choreographed by candle-light.  These silhouettes are images projected from the back of my mind.  These faceless images are peaceful and awkwardly beautiful.  I'm starting to wonder why I can only observe this mesmerizing phenomenon.

Sometimes, it's as though we're separated from the world and kept behind a glass shield.  We can't change what's in front of us... we can only see it.  On rare occasions, it reveals recurrent scenes of the destruction we refuse to save.  Did you know that we had a Billion Dollar project to help Haiti?  It's already been a year and only about 5% of the destruction was rebuilt and handled... 5%!  Where did the money go?  There goes the glass before us.  The glass that lies, yet somehow gets us all to believe it by projecting only beautiful images of the beautiful things that popular culture and human interest can fathom.  

Though I see what's before me, I refuse to accept their version of truth.  There's power and strength within all of us.  As we're fixated on what we're looking at, what version shall we believe?...  Theirs or what our muffled intuition is trying to scream?  ...& what will they see from the other side of the glass looking in?  

Always, Lainey   

©2011 all rights reserved. 

a new era

(a song for the occasion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41P4jHWRYYQ)

Food for thought:  Is it my imagination, or is the world literally in our hands?  Advancements in technology allow us to do a multitude of things.  It's changing our lives forever.  It changed our lifestyle.  Why go outside and talk to our neighbors when we can Skype someone across the country?  Why go to the store when we can shop online?  Why enjoy the place we're in with one person when we can do that and text five?  Technology is redefining socialization and personalization.  I'm not blaming it.  I use it too.  We need it.  We have become dependent on these conveniences.  It's pertinent to our everyday lives.  It gives us directions, information, connections, entertainment, news, etc.  Touching buttons or a touch screen keeps us "in touch".  We have a sense of Identity Control with popular networking websites.  Our simplistic existence have become a broadcast for all to see that we are here, and we have things on our minds... Oh! and we do things too!  For most, popularity is no longer based on how many friends we have but how many "followers" we have or how many strangers over the internet we have acquired; and here I thought it was all about quality.   

There is a new social etiquette on the rise.  We must respond promptly since we have no excuse of not receiving a message when there are several different ways to send it and retrieve it.  Emoticons and expressive typing provides voice and tone through these electronic devices.  Our easily accessible lives can make and break relationships.  Long distance relationships are a bit easier to maintain with our new communicative habits.  However, it also gives rise to suspicion of infidelity and supplies a playground for gossip.  Then we can use privacy settings and put people on lists.  Problem solved.  Then it all goes back to the basic issue of trust.  Can we really say we trust a person if we are always "checking up on them"?  Also, if people are interested in your love life, they will try to figure ways to find out... and there are plenty of technological resources they can use to satisfy their curiosity.  Cyber stalkers can keep up to date with every update.  

Becoming aware of this new era will hopefully let us reevaluate the impact we'll allow on our newfound addictions.  Addictions to holding the world in the palm of our hands.  Addictions to the feeling of being in control.  It's no wonder why research is examining correlations with the rise in mental and personality disorders such as the common Obsessive Personality Disorder or the not so common Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  Seeking perfection is only natural when submerged in an artificial environment that places high value on superficiality.  

Artificial intelligence isn't getting enough credit.  There is much more to these intellectual devices than developing this excessive nature.  We can determine climate pressure on other planets.  We can diffuse bombs from across the world.  We can save lives.  We can have a voice.  We can use this for good.  We have a voice... and a new voice so let's employ it!  Be the opportunist that we know we are and take hold of this new era.  Together we can set the tone on how we can evolve into a responsible and collective society.  Let's stick to our originality and try to avoid the pitfalls of identity theft by trying to fit in the cyber world.  If you notice, people seem more brave and harsh behind a keyboard than in person.  Let's rid our conscious of what doesn't matter, and fill it with who we want to be and what we want to do.  That's ultimately all that matters.  Do you feel that?  Suddenly, there's a weight lifted off our shoulders.  What a feeling of liberation!  Welcome to the new era! :)

Always, Lainey

©2011 all rights reserved.            

the tightrope

As a little girl, I remember the smell of summer.  The pleasant pungent smell of California's coastal shrubbery and eucalyptus trees with a hint of fresh cut grass.  Yes, that's the smell I remember.  One random thing to know about me: I am obsessed with the way things smell.  I remember it and associate each smell with a memory.  We all do this, but I do especially.  Among my favorite smells (besides my crazy collections of perfumes, candles, linen sprays, room deodorizers, and lotions): fresh clean laundry, the air after it rains, baking cookies, men's cologne/after shave, sea salt in the wind, the mountains, campfires, Disneyland rides like Pirates of the Caribbean and Splash Mountain, old places like museums or libraries, etc... I know, trust me, I know! haha

To get back on track, today, the smell of summer circled the globe faster than our calendar days.  Today, at least for a moment, it was summer again.  It was an escape into another place in another time.  My favorite time of year... summer.  Growing up, summer was that transitional period when we ended one school year looking forward to the next.  This was the time we were released from our labels in school.  This second identity per se, was one in which we were just free to be whoever or whatever we wanted.  We had the freedom to label ourselves.

After years and years of these transitional periods, I no longer have these kinds of summers.  I am finally at the exciting point of being in an amazing career.  A career I'm happy with...   and it only took walking on a tightrope to get to this point so far.

Life can be a circus act.  By being suspended hundreds of feet in the air by a wire where every step counts, reminds me of that saying "don't look down".  So, don't look down.   I have been told by several professionals, "When you're in the middle of something you have to commit to it and you'll come out just fine".  Just like performing a song in front of a stadium crowd, writing a dissertation, taking the MCAT, or tumbling in gymnastics.  The moment we hesitate, is the moment we fall.

This tightrope we all walk on provides us with two options.  1.  Look down or 2. Look ahead.  I am the type of person to not let rope tie me down, instead, extend it and walk on it to let us continue this forward momentum.    On our journey, we can fantasize of the places we'll go so we can go there.  Look ahead and use this tightrope to see the effervescent views of today and tomorrow.  Go at your own pace and I'll see you along the way!

Love Always, Lainey

©2011 all rights reserved.

Here's a song to fit the mood... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C3zgYW_FAM

P.S.  Look at the time and make a wish... xo!

      

a new light

My name is Lainey.  I have been cursed with an insatiable hunger to document parts of life that I want to remember forever.  The good and the bad.  Everyone has a story to tell and I greatly encourage everyone to tell theirs.  This is mine...  I am a walking contradiction, at times indecisive, but when it counts, I surprise myself.  I love and I am loved.  I fight and I am fought for.  I close my eyes and I can still see.  I have a weakness for eyes and originality.  I miss gymnastics and competitive cheerleading (yes, it is a sport and it is very competitive). I love to write.  I love to dance.  I love to travel.  I am not an aspiring musician, but it doesn't stop me from playing.  When I'm in love, that's it... I'm done for!  <3<3

In this life, this skin I'm in is all I have... it's all I can give.  The best things in life are free... the feeling, the intangible, the idea, the concept, the philosophy, the perspective.  The posts that follow will be a collection of diary entries, photo diaries, poems, quotations, songs, and responses to articles or other things I have read or come across.  Inspiration is everywhere.  Take it, it's yours.  I will not be shy and I'll take what I can too!   

Common sense may not be so common, and we may not understand everything, but we can try to fill in the blanks.  Let's think outside the box and step outside our comfort zone for a moment.  Tonight there will be a different light to be seen under.  There are a myriad of stars in the sky.  Pick one.  That's the light we'll use tonight... a light that takes lifetimes to reach us here; and here it is.  It found us.

What is wrong with having our world turn upside-down?  This roller coaster we call life does have its ups and downs but during the times gravity flips us around, let's open our eyes.  Use the intensity of uncertainty to our advantage.  Just think, after this is over, we're going to aim higher and want something bigger.  Something better.  So tonight, let the light illuminate all areas of this secluded place we're in together.  The once darkened corners have vanished making it look like we're in a round room.  Now anything is possible.  Nothing will be lost and everything is in sight.   

What do you see?  What do you want?  I see hours turn into minutes and minutes turn into seconds of precious time we don't have a lot of.  I want to change the world.  Even if it is one person at a time or one family at a time, which is why I've become a therapist in Applied Behavior Analysis.  My intention is not to preach or point the finger, but to lead by example.  I volunteered in battered women's shelters, I was involved in beach clean-ups and graffiti paint-offs.  I have helped in job development for youth and senior job fairs where over 1,000 applicants have showed up.  I donate and have adopted families for the holidays, specifically families from the men's shelter since those are usually the ones overlooked.  I recycle and try to be green friendly.  I try to stay informed with current research and what is going on worldwide (fox news and similar newscasts have become a joke.  It's shameful how celebrity drama make headlines.  Most of the time real news is from overseas). At times when I feel helpless, quiet, or restless...  I write.  

Here's something I wrote in 2009.  It's something I feel still applies.  Enjoy!  

Stripped & Exposed

©2009 all rights reserved.

you think you have a grasp on things

on language, symbols, and meanings

nothing short of the truth, we've got a lot to learn

careful now you might get burned

so to each their own i guess

leaving our entangled society a mess

no wonder why we're stuck in this predicament 

when old opinion stains are permanent 

like hair color for instance, let's take blonde

we look at them as though their neurons are gone

it's nothing more than a recessive gene

or how chlorine turns it green

but they're more than just a joke

they're wigs you'll see on coins when you're broke

and we can't leave out the blacks

i won't let you attack without knowing a few more facts

they're not just another baby daddy who came and left

they invented the stop light preventing many deaths

 did you vote for our new president Obama 

and who do you think will be the newest MVP of the NBA's ballas?

are Mexican's taking all our jobs?

are you willing to work hard picking up after ungrateful American slobs?

undocumented workers flee cause our government barely helps theirs

you may not know but we hardly keep our word as their governmental neighbors

did you know that they invented the ochoaplane with collapsible wings

and a version of a windmill, magnetic breaks, a wrench, and a reversible motor machine?

and why are we so afraid of the Middle East?

when most of them want nothing but peace

learn to differentiate their religions, countries, and beliefs

have you not heard of Mahatma Ghandi

who taught us "to be the change we wish to see"

and "Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed"?

and now we'll discuss the Jews

who penny pinch and want you to pay your dues

with funny last names you see them all the same

cause they eat from those kosher plates

well then there's Jesus, Marx, Freud, Seinfeld, Sanders, and Einstein 

wise beyond their years without them we'd still be so behind

now we can't forget the color yellow

when Asians are usually the opposite of mellow

when they talk so fast and can't drive right

can't pronounce their L's and have limited sight

but they're more open to diversity and have upgraded technology

maybe we should open our eyes to see that there's more than just Chinese

then there's that double standard between genders

women killing themselves to be men's idea of slender

trapped below that glass ceiling of professionalism

when we're the one's sabotaging ourselves to get noticed by him

it's true that there are biological differences in the composition of the gendered brain

but that just means that we need better ways to prove we can do the same

and we can't neglect our boys

we teach them not to cry and play with certain toys

is it any wonder why they find it hard to express themselves now

when they were always restricted from saying it out loud?

yet they are expected to be strong and assertive

some of these visual learners perhaps are TAUGHT to be violent and perverted

and here's to all you homophobics

listen close cause i think you should know this

who would choose to be ostracised and hated on costing some their life?

and being just strong enough to be honest with themselves they're an easy target for hate crimes

there's research supporting the evidence in the hypothalamus effecting the pituitary gland and hormone production

there's traces throughout history and it's not about sex or a diagnosable dysfunction

and agism is a problem that often goes unnoticed

but we should see living a long life as a bonus

their motor skills are just weathered from the years

and being ignored and forgotten doesn't keep them from tears

they come off as bitter and smell of moth balls

wouldn't you be bitter too if generations to come considered you useless and confined you within walls?

there's many more topics i have yet to mention

but this shouldn't stop you from easing up the tension

so before you start generalizing and make hateful remarks

don't let ignorance leave you in the dark

stereo-types only hinder us from what there is to know

so check your sources and question what you've been told.

Love Always, Lainey 

©2011 all rights reserved.


P.S. here is an amazing song to listen to :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we_czU9sJ3g&ob=av2nl